That certainly applies to me. Like last night at Homecoming. Until about 10 o'clock Thursday night, I didn't think I could go. Then, to make a long story short, my friend next-door and her mother forced me to ask because they knew how much I wanted to go, and when I finally asked (or, rather, my friend asked) I was allowed to go and it all worked out fine.
So, I ended up going to Homecoming. Before I say anything negative, let me say that I had an amazing time. But I didn't dance once that entire night. I have no idea how to dance, but that wasn't really what held me back. It was simply an excuse. I just have no idea how to just "have fun." I can't just let my hair down. I don't know how. I guess that when you keep everything under control for so long, and hide everything you feel so well, even when you try to let it out, all that shows through is the melancholy. I don't understand how let it all go. I wish I did. I wish someone would teach me to be alive again. Or rather, just be alive, because "again" wouldn't apply here. I would give anything just be like all those people just having fun, just living. But the only place I ever feel alive and like I fit in is in things like Bible studies and Sunday School classes. Literally. I'm never comfortable anywhere else. What I really need is just one person, just one person, who will just take control of me and teach me what it means to live, to be free. I try, but it would take a lot of patience, a lot of work, a lot boring time spent trying to get me to let go. But if someone, anyone, would do that, I would give back so much more than they could imagine.
So basically, I loved Homecoming, but it was very bittersweet.
P.S. All my friends were stunning :D
