Tuesday, May 17, 2011

♪♫You Can Laugh, But I'm Dead Serious♪♫

♪♫Watch her as she goes,
      There's something different and she knows it.
      Ask her why, and she'll flash that silly smile.
      She says she's got a purpose
      And she's done with all the games;
      Jesus saved her soul and she'll never be the same♪♫
   
     So, I've been thinking a great deal lately about a lot of different things. Mostly though, I've been thinking about some changes I'm going to be making over this summer (as I will have a good deal of down time) and the mission trip next month. 
     I've unofficially dedicated this coming summer to getting myself back on track. getting my life on track for the first time ever, now that I have a chance to do so.  It's going to take a lot of work, and a lot of changes are simply going to have to be radical, drastic, and sudden.  I'm trying to start deciding what those might be, but honestly, I really wish I could just sit down with someone and just process it all verbally in a completely honest and open fashion.  So that's a lot to contemplate.
     Also, I'm really thinking about the mission trip of which I'll be a part.  As I understand it - and I don't have a lot of details because I haven't had time to worry about them - we'll be in East St. Louis assisting in a center that essentially has a lot after-school type programs (although it's in the summer, so it's obviously not "after school") for inner city kids.  These are the kind of kids that have truly been through hell and back.  They've been through just about every imaginable atrocity and they live in poverty and abuse every day.  In many ways, I can empathize a lot with their problems; I grew up in a highly abusive home and have a lot of emotional baggage from it.  What I've been through could never begin to compare with the experiences of these kids, but I do believe it helps me to understand their psyche a great deal.  Their pain, for the most part, differs from mine in intensity rather than kind.
     These kids, people who have not been given the chances the rest of us have, people that have known nothing but pain and abuse - they are my passion.  They're the reason I want to be an attorney; it's not for the money or the excitement or anything of that sort: it's for the people without a voice, the ones who can't help themselves.  These are the people about whom I care the deepest.  They're the ones that I truly think that my experiences can help.  I think that through my pain, I have great sympathy, empathy, and understanding for people who have been through abuse and neglect. I think that they are the biggest reason that God allowed me to go through what I did. So I'm dead serious about this trip.
     I might have another post on this topic coming up; I'm not sure yet.