Thursday, December 22, 2011

♪♫Stop! Collaborate and Listen:

Ice is back with a brand new invention.♪♫
    
     Well, if you weren't already familiar with it, you've just been acquainted with my penchant for the cheesy and out-dated. This is your final warning: Turn back now.
     Hey guys! So, I'm back. Obviously. But before I can really start any "current" posts, I really need to bring you all up to date, at least a little bit. More will come on all of this later, but I figure I'll do a post over the quick overview.
     The first thing to know is that this blog is going to be a little different now. It's not going to be super themed or change a whole in overall style. I still like this style because it's informal and just a place for my thoughts to flow. But, if you've followed me for a while, you'll start to notice some differences this time around. The biggest and most important part of this difference will be the fact that I've moved past a lot of things in the past several months. Like, a lot.
     For one thing, I'm over the whole Robyn debacle. When I last posted, I was still working through a lot of issues concerning my biological mother, though I had mad a great deal of progress.  Now, I still have baggage, but I can honestly say that I have really, truly, completely, finally moved past any remaining angst or hurt that is in any way directed towards Robyn (more on this in a forthcoming post). Another is that I'm a lot more confident. Don't get me wrong; I still struggle with a lack of confidence and abundance of self-loathing. But it's a lot less now. And, more importantly, I've found some people that are really helping me through it, and I'm learning to cooperate. I don't quite get it yet, but I think I'm getting closer. 
     I guess that sort of brings me to my third point: I've found some really amazing people and things that are really pulling me out of my sixteen-year-funk.  
     What a minute! What about all those people you've talked about before? What are they, chopped liver?
     No, no, no, those people still mean just as much! And most of them are still really a part of this whole process. But I've found some more people too; people that are closer to my age, or just a bit different. Basically, I've found a couple groups of people that really let me be sooo much more "myself" than I ever really thought possible. One group is my Speech/Debate kids. Now, there's a huge rivalry between the two and blah blah blah, but I've never been cool enough to be down with rivalries like that, so I like people from both. Seriously, we have some pretty awesome people.
      The other group is my Sunday School class. They're not really "new" to my life; I mean, they were all around before, but somehow....I don't know. It's different now. I don't know if it's just one of those things that happen, or if it's really just me getting past things. I tend to think it's mostly that I'm really, finally getting over all of this. I'm still completely screwed up, but I'm a heck of a lot closer now. And I'm starting, slowly, to learn that there really are people that accept me. And that's the biggest thing for me -- I'm starting to understand that there are people out there who really do know me and who really aren't scared off by my baggage and damage and problems. I've always known that was true for other people because I've always been that person. But now I'm finally, finally, starting to really understand that that exists for me. Believe me, that's new. And it's pretty awesome.
     If you haven't already figured out, this blog, for the most part, is a pretty personal thing. I just ramble on here and then post it because I like to pretend people want to hear about all my triumphs and woes. It's not a deeply intellectual endeavor or meant to be terribly fascinating; it's just the life of a teenage girl who's been through a lot and has a lot of opinions. That's about it.
     Hey, before you leave, mind answering a question?
     Why, sure! Always! What might you be wondering?
     What's with the random green writing? It's like you're suddenly schizo or something.
     As a matter of fact, I am.
     No but seriously, I talk to myself in real life all the time, and this is just kind of the extension of that. When I get bored in a post or need to say something and can't think of a good way to transition, I just pretend that my imaginary readers actually care about what I'm saying and are commenting on it.
     So, if I haven't scared you away, that's what this blog is going to be like from now on -- a little older, a little wiser, a little brighter, but still just me, rambling on about what makes me tick.

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