Once you know the secret, nobody's river can bring you down."
-Patty Bergen of Summer of My German Soldier
Today someone who is going through some rough times asked me if there was anyway that they could ever get out of all this with any good outcome. I said yes, and I shared a much-abbreviated version of my story. After I was finished they said, "Hey, you should tell other people about that!"
I wasn't so sure, but I figured, "Hey, why not?" So here I am. Most people that care to know already know the basic facts of my life, more or less. But I suppose there's no harm in posting the short version here. :P So, here it is.
Well, I grew up in a highly abusive home; my father was an absentee parent, while my mother was involved in a cult and constantly beat me and told me and my sibling that my father and I were going to burn in eternal Hell for all eternity. She tried to smother me, almost choked me to death, and daily attacked me both physically and emotionally. In addition, I was home schooled, which meant that I NEVER got away from it, even for a moment. I also had to feed, clothe, and educate myself and my two younger siblings (I'm the oldest). It got so bad last spring that I tried to kill myself. Twice.
Eventually, my dad thought we should start going to church again, and I wanted to as well - mostly to get away from my mother once a week or so. So we started going to a church near our house. For the first time in my life, I met people that truly showed me what unconditional love and acceptance was supposed to look and feel like. Eventually, through many struggles, I was able to reach a point of strength at which I could finally give my father an ultimatum: his children or his wife. He knew he had to leave her, that we couldn't live like this any longer. So he filed for divorce.
Even now, almost a year later, we're still dealing with my mother's challenges, but my life is so much better now; I'm sixteen - a sophomore in high school, I was saved last fall, and I know that there are people who truly care about me and will never hurt or betray me.
Also, I have been able to help a lot of people in recent months because of all the things that I've been through; I understand what others are going through, and I know I don't have to be afraid of what others think of me. I know that I've survived more than most people will ever have to survive; I know I'm strong and I can push through obstacles that once seemed insurmountable. Also, I have a new sympathy and a willingness to help others that I would never have had, had I not been through the struggles that I've been through. I'm stronger, more loving, more caring, and far more wise than I would have been if I had had an easy childhood. Everything that I believe in, I believe - not because someone told me to believe it, but because I know that it's true.
In the middle of it, I never imagined anything good could have come of all the pain and heartache and struggle that I went through. But now, looking back, even though I would never wish what I endured on anyone, I wouldn't give up my experiences for all the world; they made me who I am today; and though I will always struggle with aspects of my past, in the end, I am better for it.
All this isn't to say I'm fine now; I still struggle with a lot of problems from my past. But without that past, I would never have learned some of the amazing lessons I've learned; I wouldn't have the experience and insight that I have now; I wouldn't care about or emphasize with people the way I do, and I certainly would never have met the amazing people with whom I've come into contact. I never would have developed the faith and strength I have now. And I believe that I'm a better person because of what I've been through.
The moral of the story? Never forget that you're worth fighting for and that if you never give up, then no one can take you out! :)
